Mother's Day Pain You can use three steps to cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness. I’ve probably said a dozen versions of, “How can I cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness?” Maybe you have too.

Since the unexpected deaths in the same year of my mother before Mother’s Day and my only child three days after Mother’s Day, I’ve found three steps to cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness.

The First Step to Cope When Mother’s Day Brings Pain and Sadness

The first step to cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness is to make a plan. My plan includes turning off the TV and radio during the commercials to avoid constant reminders in early May to select the perfect Mother’s Day card and to buy your mother a box of chocolates, flowers, or jewelry.

My plan also includes absence from church on Mother’s Day. Greeters hand the mothers a red carnation as they say, “Happy Mother’s Day.” I don’t find it a happy day. You may not either.

Before the church service, the church may provide a breakfast for the mothers. Sometimes three generations of women walk in hand in hand, sit together, and take pictures.

The minister, priest, or rabbi may give a message about the importance of mothers and wish each one a “Happy Mother’s Day.” I can’t call or visit my mother, nor can I send her a gift. My son can’t call or visit me, nor can he send me a gift. I look forward to seeing them in heaven, but for now, I can’t contact them.

You may also feel left out and alone during the Mother’s Day events, which leads us to the second step.

The Second Step to Cope When Mother’s Day Brings Pain and Sadness

The second step to cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness is to make a list of as many happy memories as you can of your relationship with your mother, your grandmother, or with your child. Maybe those memories will make you smile or even laugh.

If you’ve never had children, if your mother was abusive or allowed your father to be abusive, you may not have happy memories with them.

In that case, journal about happy memories with a special teacher at school, a Bible teacher, a mentor, or a friend who supported and encouraged you or who challenged you to make a better life for yourself. This takes us to the third step.

The Third Step to Cope

The third step to cope when Mother’s Day brings pain and sadness is to invest in someone else. As a teacher, a counselor, a nurse, or some other service provider, you can invest time and energy into helping others lead the abundant life Jesus came to earth to give us.

Perhaps you’re a school bus driver who can make each day brighter for the children on your bus route. On Thursday, May 9, 2019, Good Morning America honored Terri Campbell in Plant City, Florida for her selflessness and generosity for a little over two decades. She has been “an extra mom” to all the students she drives to and from school.

On Mother’s Day, you can spend time with the Lord and ask him how you can invest in someone else and when he will open that door for you.

2 Corinthians 1:3–4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Prayer: God, as it gets closer to Mother’s Day, I need compassion and comfort. Thank you in advance for them. Amen.

Call to Action: Take one step this Mother’s Day weekend to cope with the pain and sadness of your loss and contact me via my website to let me know what you did.

2 Comments

Mechthild on May 11, 2019 at 1:30 am

Thank you, Yvonne for both posts. Mother’ s Day (and even my birthday – May 9th) don’t bring too many good memories since my mother was (at least in her last decades) an alcoholic. Furthermore, I am single although I longed to get married, but I never found a man who was willing to serve with me on the mission field (which I am doing for 30+ years). Sadly even the churches only thing about the biological mothers, they might include the mothers who have adpoted or do foster care, but they generally forget about the spiritual mothers on Mother’s Day.
- Yvonne Ortega on May 11, 2019 at 10:37 am
  
  Dear Mechthild,
  Thank you for stopping by. Belated Happy Birthday. It would be wonderful if more churches on Mother’s Day would include adoptive and foster mothers and also spiritual mothers. My experience is that only a few do. Alcoholism devastates families, and I pray that God will make up for the years the locusts have eaten. Great big cyber hugs to you, Mechthild. Happy Spiritual Mother’s Day. With all that time on the mission field, you’ve been a spiritual mother too many.