What are the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships? To answer this question, we can compare best friends, Ashley and Amanda, who went to high school and college together. They got engaged the same evening at the homecoming dance. The extent of their similarities ended with that fact.
The first difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships is that love is kind.
The first difference is that Ashley’s future husband, Chris, treated her with kindness. He asked for her opinion about what type of apartment they should rent, in which neighborhood, and how much to spend on it. They discussed the pros and cons of all possible options.
After each date, Ashley would tell Amanda how considerate Chris was and how he valued her input.
Meanwhile, Amanda watched the two of them and kept quiet. Why doesn’t my fiancé, Mike, ask for my feedback? Is something wrong with me? Maybe, he wants to surprise me with an awesome apartment.
Love is kind. #love, #healthy relationship Share on XPerhaps Amanda tried to cover up for Mike and make excuses for him.
The second difference is that love is patient.
Ashley seemed peaceful. She had no problem telling Chris if she disagreed with him and why. He would look into her eyes and be patient with her. He would thank her for bringing up an angle he hadn’t thought of.
On the other hand, instead of looking at Mike, Amanda cowered in Mike’s presence.
On the rare occasion she dared to look at his eyes, she felt uncomfortable. He seemed to glare at her as if he didn’t expect her to say a word.
Did he believe that he had spoken and that’s all that counted?
Reflecting on those times together, Amanda realizes that she felt fear and intimidation. Not the feelings that make for a patient and healthy relationship.
Love is patient. #love, # patient Share on XWhen you and I look at a person, hopefully we see a human being with strengths and weaknesses.
We can admit what those weaknesses are and decide if we can live in peace with them for the rest of our lives.
The third is that love listens.
As before, Chris continued to take time to talk with Ashley about every aspect of their future life together and listen to her. If he forgot something or if Ashley raised her brows as if she had a question, he would ask her if everything was okay or if she had a question.
The more they communicated along these lines, the easier it became.
If Amanda attempted to say a few words, Mike would roll his eyes and remind her that he was the head of their relationship. Her part was to obey him, not to question him or disagree with him.
She felt like property instead of his wife-to-be, a person.
Related Internal Link:
https://yvonneortega.com/find-your-way-through-the-stages-of-grief-in-divorce/
Related External Link:
https://assets.campbell.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/22125411/red-flag-abusive-personality.pdf
Conclusion and Next Step
To wrap up, the differences between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one are:
- love is kind
- it is patient
- love listens
If you know someone who could benefit from this article, feel free to pass it on and information about the online group, A Better Life for You, that starts in June 2021.
Copyright © by Yvonne Ortega April 5, 2021 Revised and Updated April 10, 2021
