How Could I Give My Only Child’s Eulogy?

How could I give my only child’s eulogy? After the unexpected death of my only child, friends and acquaintances asked me, “Who will give your only child’s eulogy at the church service?”

My answer was always the same, “I will. I don’t know if his father or anyone else will, but I will.” After a pause, I would look into their eyes, and say, “I carried him, nursed him and raised him. No one knows him better than I do.”

As I reflected on that question about the eulogy, I realize I followed three specific steps to give it.

The first step I followed to give my only child’s eulogy was to write about my tears.

I didn’t have to be strong or worry I would ruin my testimony. Some Christians believe we must be strong or at least pretend to be strong. I felt no obligation to fake my feelings when I was doubled over in pain. My tears needed to come for me to begin the process to let go of that pain.

I say “begin” the process because triggers will occur on birthdays, anniversaries, and during most holiday seasons.

Other Christians believe we will ruin our testimony if we cry. I didn’t believe I would ruin my testimony if I cried and still don’t. I cried morning, noon, and night. After all, my only child died before he married, and I would never have grandchildren. That meant a double loss.

You might be surprised to know the Bible makes seventy-seven references to men weeping. The Bible also mentions men and women crying together forty-five times. And let’s not forget that Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35).

With a journal and a pen, I wrote about those tears.

Let’s move on to the next step.

The second step I followed was to journal about my avalanche of anger.

In my rage about my son’s unexpected death, I had to blame someone. Why not God? My son’s death didn’t go with the norm. Parents should die first, not the children. God knew that.

My son was young, strong, and athletic. As a black belt in karate, he helped me make black belt. His death made no sense.

I asked, “God, where were you when my son was gasping for air and died? Why didn’t you stop it from happening? How could you take my son so soon?”

My journal became my best friend, as I wrote about my anger not only against God, but also against the insurance companies, the Food & Drug Administration, and against my ex-husband.

The insurance companies advocate for drive-through surgery. The Food & Drug Administration approves drugs that have serious side effects that seem worse than the person’s condition. My ex-husband had lived a full life, married twice, and had children in both marriages. Why couldn’t he have died instead of our young son?

My anger should have burned the pages or at least seared the edges, as I wrote and began the healing journey.

Now on to the final step.

The third step I followed to give my only child’s eulogy was to journal about the good times.

As I journaled about the good times, a smile would erase my frown. Sometimes, I laughed. I included a couple of those good times in the eulogy. Here is one of them. I laughed as I wrote about my son’s Bible memory accomplishment.

I told him, “If you memorize all 100 Bible verses in your ABC book, you will get the largest container of Bubbles.” Brian learned the verses and received the promised Bubbles.

After I gave Brian his Bubbles, I invited a missionary to dinner.

The missionary accepted the dinner invitation. The evening of his arrival for dinner, I asked my son to recite the verses for him. Brian said, “What for? I already got my Bubbles.”

You, too, can write to heal. For more ideas, look at Who Hears Your Cries When You Long for Comfort? 

Psalm 77:11: “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.”

Prayer: God, I’ve remembered many of your deeds and miracles. Now help me to remember my late loved one’s deeds and the great times we had. Amen.

Call to Action: For further information on writing to heal, please contact me through my website at www.yvonneortega.com/contact/or else call me at 757-529-1222 for a free one-time discovery call.

Related Post:

Overcome with Grief? What Do You Do?

Copyright © by Yvonne Ortega May 13, 2019