How to handle a crisis Mother’s Day weekend calls for creativity. The causes and symptoms differ. Is your mother alive or deceased?

How to Handle a Crisis Mother’s Day Weekend When Mom Is Alive

Ava’s Story of Worry

“I can’t visit my mother,” Ava told me on Skype. “She’s in a nursing home, and it’s “on lockdown” because of the pandemic. What if she’s sick?”

“You sound like you’re worried, and many in your situation would be. After a pause, I continued. “Do you have any way to communicate with her?”

With a nod in the affirmative, she said, “Mama has a cell phone, and I have legal power of attorney for her medical care and finances.” Ava rolled up the cuffs on her long-sleeved blouse and said, “I am worried about her.” As she twisted the tissue in her hands, she said, “If I see her, I can confirm for myself whether she’s sick.”

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If she has an outside room, you could call her ahead of time and tell her you’ll come by on a certain day at a specific time. You could stay outside her window with a mask on and wave to her. You could blow her kisses and wave good-bye when you leave. You’ll be able to see her and settle your concern.”

“That could work because Mama does have an outside room.” She thanked me and said good-bye.

Perhaps your mother doesn’t have an outside room. You can still call her. The longer you talk on the phone, the more accurate assessment you can make of her well-being.

Olivia’s Story of Depression

“A thousand miles separates me from Mom,” Olivia said on our call. I can’t visit her because of the risks involved no matter how I travel. Tears soak my pillow each evening. I’m beyond discouraged. I feel depressed.”

“How long have you been depressed?”

“The past week as it gets closer to Mother’s Day.”

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“Perhaps a close friend, a mentor, or a trusted church staff member could help you talk through those feelings of depression. If you know a grief counselor, you could talk to that person on the phone. Time to journal and pray could also offer you a way to process the temporary depression.”

Olivia said she could talk to her Women’s Ministry Director and would try to journal and pray about it. With that, she hung up.

Internal Link on My Website:

3 Steps to Cope When Mother’s Day Brings Pain

When Mom Is Deceased

Eva’s Story of Triggered Memories

“If I turn on the television, one ad after another reminds me of Mother’s Day,” Eva said on our Zoom call. “Time to order flowers, to send chocolates, to buy the perfect card, and make Mother’s Day special. I can’t do any of those things.”

“What does that do to you?”

Eva pulled out tissue and said, “Memories rush to the surface. I remember the Mother’s Day weekend that Daddy and I made breakfast for mama, and I cry. As a first-grader, I made a card on the computer. It was a basic, simple card. Mama was proud of it and placed it on the mantle.”

“Since she’s in heaven now, how will you handle those triggered memories?”

With a shrug, Eva said, “I don’t know. That’s why I asked you for a Zoom call.”

“You could make a list of all the wonderful memories you have and thank God for each one. You might make a gratitude scrapbook or journal. Place some of those photos tucked in a box in it.”

“With all the photos I have, that would take the entire Mother’s Day Weekend. It would make it go by faster.”

“Let me know how it goes, Eva.”

She agreed to do that, and we ended the Zoom call.

Adalee’s Story

“I’m mad at God, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Food and Drug Administration, and anyone who bothers me,” Adalee said on a Skype call.

“Anger is one of the reactions to triggered memories of your loss. You can ask yourself what’s behind the anger and get to the source of it.”

“What do you mean?”

You might be mad at God because your mother served faithfully in church and on missionary trips. Since she was a good person, you think God should have spared her.”

“Yeah, I think He should have. I am mad.”

“If you recall, God’s one and only Son Jesus suffered and died a cruel death on the cross for our sins. Jesus was perfect. Part of living on earth includes suffering, pain, and death.”

“I still don’t like it.”

“You may not for a long time. Sit in a chair and pretend God is sitting in the chair across from you. Tell Him how you feel.” I paused in hopes Adalee would soak in that suggestion. “Then sit in silence and wait for His answer. You may wait longer than you want. You may have to do this several times before you come to terms with your mother’s suffering and death.”

“Okay, I’ll try it, but I won’t make any promises about progress. Good-bye.

External Link:

Hope for the Grieving Woman on Mother’s Day

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/hope-for-the-grieving-woman-on-mother-s-day.html

Do you identify with Ava, Olivia, Eva, or Adalee?

Conclusion and Next Step

In conclusion, how to handle a Mother’s Day Weekend depends on your circumstances. If your mother is:

1. Alive-worry or depression
2. Deceased-triggered memories or anger

Perhaps you identify with Ava or Olivia, work on the assignment she received. Maybe you identify with Eva or Adalee, you can follow the suggestions for her. You may also come up with a few of your own.

Copyright © Yvonne Ortega May 4, 2020