The pain and tears of graduation? Yes, graduation brings joy to many, but a challenge to the divorced. If you’re divorced or separated, here are three steps you can use to overcome the pain and tears of graduation.
When my only child graduated, his father and I had divorced six months earlier. Although I remained single again, his dad remarried immediately. Graduation weekend turned into a time of awkwardness, pain, and tears.
I learned what needed to happen for the next event in our child’s life.
The first step to overcome the pain and tears of graduation is to remember graduation is about celebrating your child’s success.
Parents are supposed to be the adults and an example to the child. You and I attend to celebrate our child’s accomplishment. We don’t attend to put on boxing gloves with our ex and enter the ring of verbal and emotional abuse or worse.
When we take family pictures, we do so to make graduation about our child. We focus on a united front to avoid our child’s embarrassment or sadness. We won’t get leprosy or die because the other parent and a step-parent gather for a few family pictures.
Our child deserves a day to rejoice over his accomplishment. We don’t threaten to leave if the other parent shows up. We don’t make a scene and leave in a rage. Neither do we force our child to deliver messages to the other parent. After graduation, I felt sorry for one graduate at a local restaurant whose father said, “Tell your mother to pass me the salt.”
Let’s move on to the next step.
The second step to overcome the pain and tears of graduation is to think about how you would feel if you were in that position with your boss.
How would you feel if your boss criticized you because you invited a former coworker he fired? What would you do if your boss cussed you out because you invited someone he didn’t like? You probably wouldn’t want your boss to arrive intoxicated or high on other drugs.
One young man told me he felt relief when his mother didn’t show up for his graduation. “She would have arrived drunk, would have belched, and passed out.”
Now, let’s look at the final step.
The third step to overcome the pain and tears of graduation is to set healthy boundaries.
No one knows your family better than you do. You do not have to invite a parent or other family member who consistently stirs up trouble, goes into a rage, is abusive, and ruins family events. Set healthy boundaries for the sake of your child. For additional ideas, read https://www.yvonneortega.com/when-divorce-turns-your-world-upside-down/ Do everything possible to make the day about your child’s big day.
Psalm 127:3: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Prayer: God, help me see my child as a heritage and a reward from you. Please give me the grace and strength to make his graduation all about him. Amen.
Call to Action: If you need help to put your feelings toward your ex-spouse aside or to set boundaries and make your child’s graduation special, contact me via my website at www.YvonneOrtega.com/contact/to schedule a free discover call.
Copyright © by Yvonne Ortega June 3, 2019
