Use the keys to joy and leave loneliness behind. Put aside the values of independence and the self-made person. Let’s read on to see how to use the keys to joy.

First, use the keys to joy to understand your original design.

 As a woman, regardless of your status — single and never married, married, divorced, or widowed — God made you a social being. He made you for community. As a woman, you need girlfriends to go shopping with you, to watch romantic comedies with, and talk about feelings.

As far back as I can remember, the women went to the mall and went in and out of most of the stores. They would say, “I’ll know the perfect scarf, blouse, or purse, when I see it.” I’ve done the same thing myself. You may have, too.

As a woman, you need girlfriends in your social circle. #divorce, #loneliness Share on X

The men would sit on a massage chair or bench to read the newspaper or nap.

In contrast, guys need their buddies to attend sports events and cheer with them. They talk about sports. They may say something about their feelings when they relax at a sports event. Don’t expect them to sit alone face to face with you and talk about feelings.

A former neighbor is a Red Skins fan. He waved the large flag outside of his home and decorated the inside with Red Skins wastepaper baskets, bedspread, blankets, pens, and pencils. I could hear him through the walls every time his team made a point.

You and I know exceptions to the rule. Still, use the keys to joy to understand your original design and leave loneliness behind.

Second, use the keys to stand on your own two feet.

When I went through divorce, three of my friends did too. They remarried immediately after the divorce was final. They counted on replacement rather than the process of grief. Replacement of the former spouse didn’t work, and two of those three friends divorced their second spouse after a year.

One of them stayed married to her second husband ten years. She posted pictures on social media that showed a happy couple. Most people had no idea what went on behind closed doors. Two of us knew she was miserable from the start because of his verbal and emotional abuse.

You can stand firmly on your own two feet. #loneliness, #loss Share on X

Before she married him, the two of us asked her why she didn’t call off the wedding. She said, “It’s too late. I can’t get out now.”

We assured her it wasn’t, but she married him anyway.

If an incomplete person who doesn’t know his/her identity rushes into a replacement with an incomplete person who doesn’t know theirs, they are still incomplete. Each one will look to the other to fulfill their dreams and meet all their needs. It won’t happen.

Perhaps if a marriage license cost what a divorce does, some men and women wouldn’t rush to find a replacement.

For a related internal article on divorce, go to:

How to Handle Fear when Your Dream Shatters

Third, use the keys to seek God and leave loneliness behind.

Middle aged and older adults face challenges and transitions with or without a pandemic or crisis. You may be familiar with the term, empty nest syndrome. Children grow up, go away, and get married. If the parents have drifted apart, they may divorce. The parent who has made the children the purpose of his/her life now finds themself without one.

Change is hard work, but you can do it. Ask God to help you, and he will. Tell God you want to please him, not family, friends, or coworkers. Admit that you want to marry the wrong person out of loneliness. Then watch God hand you the keys to joy in him. You don’t have to settle for less. Wait for God to give you his best. God knew all the animals in the garden were not enough for Adam. Man needed someone like him.

For a related external article, go to

Second Marriages Those Who Rush In and Those Who Resist

Scripture:

In the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18 NASB).

My Prayer for you:

God, (fill your name in here and in all the blanks) is lonely after loss through death of a person or death of a relationship. I get it. I’ve been there myself. Please help (_______) to use the keys to joy and understand your original design for (_______). Help (_______) take the time to make friends and be part of a social community. Give (_______) the strength to stand on (_______) own two feet. I pray that (_______) doesn’t rush into a second or third marriage. Instead, may (_______) seek your face and wait for your best. Amen.

Conclusion

Use these keys to joy and leave loneliness behind:

• Understand your original design
• Stand on your own two feet
• Seek God

Next Step

Which of the keys to joy will you focus on this week? If this article does not apply to you, please share it with someone who could benefit from it.

Copyright © by Yvonne Ortega June 18, 2020. Updated on May 17, 2021.